MAFS Recap 2024 Episode 10: Jack Has To Be Taking The Piss

We're onto episode 10 of Married At First Sight Australia and honestly, it feels like it's been YEARS at this point. I'm losing hair, I'm stressed, and every time I see Jack on the screen, my cortisol levels rise. A gentle reminder to take care of yourself in these trying times.

We're still dealing with the fallout from the first Commitment Ceremony and the clusterfuck that was Confessions Week. We kick off with Sara and Tim, who are dealing with some speedbumps after the phone-checking task that never was. Thankfully, all of the blondes in the experiment interrupt their conversation, sharing some bubbly and goss. They start by ripping on Collins, with Eden saying it was "the worst acting I've ever seen in my life." Respectfully, this show would be so much better if it was just all women.

Meanwhile, Lucinda is feeling humiliated after Tim confidentially told the men that he'd sleep with his wife on the first night — something that Lucinda says shows that he is a "sexual being" but that he might just not be into her. Lucinda tries to chat it through, but Tim starts getting aggravated because of her "prodding", and ends up walking out of the apartment and away from the cameras. Lucinda starts tearing up and says that she wants to be with someone who celebrates and enjoys her. Same, girl. After what seems like a neverending ad break, Tim returns and the two talk things through, with Lucinda apologising for pushing things too hard. The two end up giggling and appreciating each other, and again, these two are literally the REALEST on the show. If Lucinda and Tim have no fans, then I am dead.

After the palette cleanser that is Lucinda and Tim, we're back with the man in the SHIT HAT, Jack, with him and Tori talking through Jack's questionable actions so far. Tori shares that her dad wasn't in the picture growing up, which she says has moulded what she wants in a relationship — unconditional, safe and secure love — and is the reason why she wants to stick by him. Honestly, it can be easy to look at relos like this and point fingers at the women for sticking by these shit dudes, but I think this is proof that Tori's intentions are good, or at least I hope they are.

Then we're back with bestest best buds Collins and Natalie, still living separately. After the fallout from the first Commitment Ceremony where Natalie was the first person to say hell nahhhhh to their partner, Collins is in full grovel mode (as he should be, if you ask me). He heads on over to her place, and Natalie is honestly just glowing — it's so beautiful when a woman realises she's too good for a dude. We love to see it.

Collins starts to try and convince Natalie that he's actually really really really really really happy in this relationship and that she's sunshine epitomised, but Natalie calls him out for his shit, saying what we're all thinking at home. "This feels like an Oscars performance," she says. "I can't listen to you without hearing orchestra." Because the editors are clearly loving this, they decided to put on an orchestra-backed soundtrack. Beautiful, really. "I can't communicate with someone who talks to me like we're on the set of Neighbours or Home and Away," she continues. YES, GIRL.

Collins comes back with a line that he's clearly been thinking of for weeks, saying, "Nat, this is Married At First Sight, and I feel like you've just done 'My Mind Is Made Up At First Sight'." Damn, what a burn, Collins. Nat is sufficiently icked out by this whole interaction and tells him she's leaving the experiment. We love a woman who leaves on her own terms and doesn't wait until another Commitment Ceremony! This means Collins' time on MAFS is also done. I know, I'm sad too. "I don't think he's devastated that his time with me has ended, I think he's devastated that his journey has to end because I have said we're done," Nat says in a confessional. "If he could, he would stay on the experiment on his own." If we're being real, Nat deserved so much better. Please stop matching A+ women up with emotionally stunted dudes in hopes that the women will cure them.

The show reveals that it's Intimacy Week — which doesn't just encourage sexual compatibility but deeper bonds and trust with their partners. Tristan looks as frightened as a baby deer, while Jack in the shit hat is like, bow chikka wow wow.

First up is the task of 'genital cupping', and dear lord, sometimes it feels like I'm losing brain cells watching this show. But alas, we continue in the pursuit of intimacy! Jono and Lauren are up to cup first, with the two giggling through the whole exercise. It's silly, it's cute, it's fun! For now...

Then we're over to Richard and Andrea, who despite some mistakes on Richard's end, have shown that they've got the intimacy part of their relo down-pat (six times a day?!). They don't need to cup each other's genitals and are instead tasked with looking into each other's eyes. How these two challenges are on the same level is beyond me. The two of them look and look and look, and it's actually really wholesome, with Richard saying Andrea "took his breath away". The alarm goes off, but these two still won't stop looking at each other, and what's that? My cold, dead heart is defrosting? I thought it could never.

Next up for the Intimacy Week task is Tim and Lucinda, who also need to stare into each other's eyes and seem to reach a bit of a breakthrough on the intimacy front. But it's not long before things go downhill (again), and these two are honestly flip-flopping so much that it's lowkey giving me whiplash. Tim explains that he went into bed the previous night, where Lucinda apparently said, "I hope you don't mind, I don't have a shirt on" — something that he said was overwhelming for him. "Maybe come to bed with a shirt on," he says to Lucinda, but she pushes back in a confessional, saying that he sleeps in just his underwear so she should be able to do the same. "It goes both ways," she says, before saying he's "got some boobs on him too". Lucinda, I love you, but this isn't it. I'm begging these two to figure it out.

They're then gifted with a visit from sex expert, Alessandra, and Tim is shitting himself. Tim reveals that when he used to try and hug his father, he would push him away — perhaps explaining part of the reason why he might struggle with physical intimacy. But despite this, he agrees to give the 'melting hug' task a go under Alessandra's guidance. Tim says the whole thing is "actually quite pleasant", and that's pretty much a 10/10 rating from his end. It's a breakthrough for these two, but I've been burned too many times in the past to hope this will be permanent.

There's a brief intimation where we visit Jack and Tori for Intimacy Week, where we're we're tortured with a montage of Jack working out and bragging about how kinky he is and how much of a dom he is in the bedroom. The two go through a checklist of their sexual preferences, with Jack casually revealing that he's into golden showers, which if you aren't aware, is also known as 'piss play'. Now, we don't yuck anyone's yum here, but at this stage, we've gotta question if Jack's taking the... piss? Tori quickly shuts it all down and tells him to go to church, which is actually kinda iconic.

It's hard to just casually move on from that revelation but nonetheless, we persist. While Lauren and Jono were comfy cupping each other's genitals, Lauren airs some concerns about his reserved nature. "Give me your real personality and then we can see if we like each other," she says in a confessional. "I'm not doing this experiment with some serial killer who has the same response to everything." Sheeeeeeeeesh. Lauren says that she likes Jono but needs more passion and spice and says he's... too nice? Jono tells Lauren that he's put her in a box, and I'm trying to pay attention but honestly, there's a really lovely green mushroom lamp in the background and I really, really want it. Anyway, Lauren and I come back to our senses and Jono is still going on about Lauren being hot and cold to him. The two of 'em blab and argue for a bit and all I will say is that those rumours are starting to make a lot of sense.

Lauren and Jono are still having a tiff upstairs, with her calling him a "cruise control Terminator". The women are really serving this episode and I'd like a formal petition to have an entirely new show dedicated to them. At this stage, I'm not really sure what the two of them are arguing about, but when you have one hot potato (Lauren) and one cool cucumber (Jono), it makes for a pretty shitty salad.

"My Mind Is Made Up At First Sight." — Collins

Everyone is on my shit list this episode, but Andrea and Richard are the best of a bad bunch.

Tori, for telling Jack he needs to go to church.